dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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