we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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