Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
