I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
