I hate your face
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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