Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
