i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
