I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
