he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
