i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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