so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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