Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
