if i can run in heels then i can drive
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
