GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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