sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
