I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
