Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
