my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize