I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
