I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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