my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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