he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
