your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
