she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did I show you my penis last night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
