dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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