Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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