It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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