$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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