dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
