i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
