i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
