Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
