My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
