I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
