It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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