Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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