Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
