i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
