Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
