It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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