Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
