Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
