I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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