Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
