Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
