Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
