"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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