You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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