you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
