Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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