I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
