In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
