Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
