Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize