NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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