I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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