I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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