This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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