My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
