Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
