He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wish my penis had a tongue
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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