If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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