I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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