I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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