I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
