In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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