You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
