Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
