Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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