I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
