I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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