I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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