I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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