I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
More tranny stories later!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
