spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
